You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
