It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
