im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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