Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
