hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
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