I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
