just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
