I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
