she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
