Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
