In the future we'll all be gay
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
