did you get engaged???
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
