I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
