I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
