last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
