I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
