A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
