no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
i think i just lost a toe
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
