I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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