do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
