I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
