I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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