Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Randomize
