Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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