Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
