There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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