My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
BRING THE BAGELS
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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