Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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