Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
