dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
