Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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