You made me cry and you don't even care
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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