my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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