I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
