guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
