Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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