I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
the gays at disneyland are vicious
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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