Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
