OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
