apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
