why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
