Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
