God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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