I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
