wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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