So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
