Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
