I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
