I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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