My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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