I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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